I must no longer deny who I was

What haunted me at night

And made me face my past

Abused by one YOU called friend

Discarded like trash

Made to believe I was worthless

Growing up too fast

To fit in 

To be accepted

I let him rape me cuz I never said no

Never telling YOU because I would hear

“I told you so”

I laid down with some 

Confusing sex

With love

Thinking “if I give him some he will stay in love”

Ain't that what everybody does?

Grabbing onto whatever paid attention to me 

Forgetting about my self-esteem 

I looked for a way out 

For someone to LOVE 

That I just forgot who I was

I became something black, cold and hard

Like most of the men who had me

 

They lied

They cheated

They beat 

It 

When things got real

Tough

But I thought as long as I did what they wanted

As long as I gave 

They would stay

Through miscarriages

Abortions

Suicide

Death 

They left 

Anyway

In order to live up to my authentic self I have to  

Tell 

Her 

It was ok to be 

Sad

Mad

Lonely

However the time has come to be 

Free

Of the past and what held me captive

So I can live up to my authentic me